so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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