she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
