He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
