So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
This is my gift to your gina
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
