Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
