Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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