I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
