We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
