shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
