it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
