I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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