its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
