I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
