Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
