Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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