chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
