All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
