Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
