So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Randomize
