can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
