the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
