ya dads aren't the best wingmen
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize