people are starting to question the shark bite story
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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