Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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