I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
