would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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