She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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