i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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