i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
