sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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