Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
