i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
