Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
