I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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