I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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