I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
