In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
