the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
