last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
