So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
