put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
When did angry sex become our thing?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
