I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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