never play flip cup with pint glasses
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
so much tequila, so little girl.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
