honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
