how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
