Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
