Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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