Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
