i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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