You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It was confusing and full of hummus
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
