just come out here and I will go home with you...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
