my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
