Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
